Monday, January 3, 2011

Your Love is all I needed

As this year ended, there is one word that sums it up for me…LOVE.

I was able to continue sharing my love of the outdoors with my children. I had the opportunity to take my children to one of my favorite places in the Sierras…Yosemite National Park. We went there with the knowledge that we would probably be snowed on. In addition, we got about a foot and a half dumped on us over night. However, like I know my kids are, they were troopers and they fell in love with the outdoors even more.

Later that year, a co-worker invited us to camp with her family at Pinecrest Lake. Pinecrest Lake? I had heard of it as a party spot, but did not know it was located right below Dodge Ridge, a place I had found about four years ago. As soon as we drove into the campground, I immediately fell in love with the place. My kids and I took our bikes and rode down to the lake. It was beautiful, the way the mountains crossed on the backside of the lake at the inlet. The shoreline lined with cabins tucked into the trees. I had found another place in the Sierra’s I was not familiar with and was hooked. I immediately began planning our trip with their family for next summer.

As things would happen, I found someone who loved the outdoors as much as I did. Her love and knowledge of the Sierra’s was very impressive to me. For a person like me who has spent a lot of time in the Sierra’s, including a 50+ miler, she had spent more time there than I could ever imagine. The romance was a whirlwind relationship that appeared perfect. However, as the relationship went on, it was not perfect, there was something missing.

Proverbs 3:11-12 – My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

The relationship was missing a mutual relationship with the Lord. An earthly relationship is one that is fraught with difficulty and intrusion by the Devil who seeks to destroy relationships and marriages. Relationships not only need the love of each other, but the love of others and the love of Jesus Christ.

“The greatest gift you can give to your [relationship] is for you to develop a real relationship with Jesus Christ.” ~ John Eldridge

As I read another book by John Eldridge and his wife Stasi Eldridge, I thought about my marriage and my past relationships. I always lived my relationships in fear. The fear of loving, the fear of not being loved, the fear of abandonment, the fear of being chastised if I talked about an issue or just fear in general.

A typical issue was addressing an issue brought up by the other person. If there was an issue that needed to be discussed, the first thing that came to my mind was; there was something wrong with me or with us. I thought ignoring the issue or putting it on the backburner would make the issue “disappear”. I was the master of deflection and putting up my walls to protect myself.

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

As I look back on my life, there has been a lot of pain and suffering I have endured. But for some reason I have not responded well to that pain. Maybe it was part of the outer shell I have developed to cope with my job. Maybe it was “another brick” in the proverbial wall that I have built up over the years. For whatever the reason, the Lord was trying to teach me that I needed him in my life, but I was not listening.

Lamentations 3:32 – 33 ~ Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to any human being.

One of the most painful experiences in my life was when I received the last phone call from my brother. David was surprised that I answered and thought I was up in the mountains snowboarding. He asked me for a favor. He told me he was going to call me back and asked that I not answer the phone and allow it to go to voicemail. “Brotherly Love” is sometimes unconditional and I told him I would not answer the phone. He also asked me not to listen to the message until several hours later that night. Some parts of “Brotherly Love” you question.

Many of you know that that was David’s suicide voicemail to me. To save that story for later, but I did not turn TO the Lord until sometime later. Instead, I did the opposite and turned AWAY from the lord.
Looking at my current situation, the Lord wanted to correct my brokenness. Again, although the Lord does not want to resort hurting his children, I just plain was not listening. My pride and stubbornness was in the way. The Lord brought someone into my life that was helping me to break down those walls, but I was still broken inside. I had personal issues to contend with that did not help with the mend my brokenness. I was still dealing with a contentious divorce, and trying to heal myself and my children from the anger of that relationship.

The Lord then did something and I finally listened. I knew the Lord was always there, I just never “found” him. Over the years I never got it right and kept chasing dreams that were earthly and not on a spiritual level. I have found that the Lord’s Love is all that really matters and all I ever really needed.

I felt it first when I was younger
A strange connection to the light
I tried to satisfy the hunger, I never got it right
I never got it right
So I climbed a mountain and built an altar

Looked out as far as I could see
And everyday I'm getting older, I'm running out of dreams
I'm running out of dreams

But your love, your love

The only thing that matters is 
Your love, your love
Is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It's your love, your love 
All I ever needed is your love

You know the effort I have given

And you know exactly what it cost
And though my innocence was taken, not everything is lost
Not everything is lost, no

You're the hope in the morning

You're the light when the night is falling
You're the song when my heart is singing
It's your love

You're the eyes to the blind man

You're the feet to the lame man walking
You're the sound to the people singing
It's your love

Your love is all that I needed

All I ever needed is your love
All I ever needed is your love
Your love is all that I needed
All I ever needed is your love
Your love is all that I needed
It's all I ever needed
Brandon Heath – Your Love

My New Year’s Resolution for 2011 is:

“I will NOT love someone with the fear of losing them. I WILL love with all my heart with the desire to HOLD onto them and not self-destruct the relationship. I will LOVE with the LORD in my Heart and by my side.”

Whether or not I find my true love in 2011 is part of God’s plan, this will be my resolution for years to come as to how I plan on living my life and loving the person the Lord has in store for me.

God Bless all of You and I wish you all the best in 2011.

1 comment:

  1. God in his love for us goes thru great lengths to win our hearts.

    What he has in store for you is greater than you can possibly imagine.

    Great read.....I am looking forward to following this blog.

    God Bless!